“i don’t know what i can save you from.”

Kings of Convenience—I Don’t Know What I Can Save You From

dear courtney,

Some would say, “It takes a life to learn how to live.”
Let love be life, and let life be loved.
You have one shot to make difference.

One.

what happened to you?

i’ve realised lately that sometimes the hardest thing lies in yourself and actually taking the steps to admiting that you are struggling. these days a little bit longer than the last, and this torn feeling that aches inside is slowly eating me alive. but here i am in all attempts of standing my ground. sometimes… i just don’t understand Him. understand how he’s working in my life, how’s He’s even putting up with my constant struggles and never ending emotions. how His light even manages to tap into my sinfulness, i’m utterly stunned at his compassion for my selfishness, my doubtful heart.

‘Hallelujah’ rips through my veins.

i thought about you the other day. a girl i knew but never met, a girl so inspiring but so troubled and so introspective but so real and concerned about things—real things—that it scared me. we were so young. we were the same age, but we weren’t. if i was fourteen you were a hundred, aged by the weight of a suffering world that you seemed to carry on your shoulders. if i’m honest, i don’t think i really understood half of what you wrote then, but I saved some of your words in hopes that someday they’d mean more to me. they do, now. you are my reminder. it’s not easy and it is scary and maybe we aren’t strong  enough on our own. we’re in deep. but.

but.

even if we’re all “running in circles, heads cut off, hands in the air”—

…everythings not lost.

i haven’t heard from you since we were fifteen but wherever you are, whoever you became, i hope you found a way to feel better. i hope you’re ok.

♥b

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