I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it here, but I have a complicated relationship with food, and sometimes I get anxiety over it.
Right now, for example, I am starving. For breakfast (around 10) I had french toast with a strawberry/blueberry syrup I made. For lunch, around 3, I had a hamburger.
It’s 8:40 pm. I started feeling hungry around 7. I got a headache from not eating thirty or forty minutes ago. My brother and sister have told me a total of 4 times that there’s food downstairs and I should come down and have dinner with everyone. And I’m definitely hungry.
But the thought of going downstairs and getting a plate of food is terrifying to me. Thinking about eating is making me nervous. I feel tense. I can feel my heart beating faster, my breaths coming in shorter and closer together. Writing this down is making me cry. I keep telling myself I should go eat but—I—can’t—do—it
I know it’s stupid. I know it’s irrational. I know it’s bad for me, refusing to eat. But the only way I can stay calm is by telling myself that I’m not going down there, I don’t have to have dinner, I can just stay in my room…